In an Attempt to Be Positive

In an attempt to remain positive and upbeat regarding our families move to Europe, I forgot that I am at times extremely sad and lonely. I forgot how much I miss my parents, brothers and sisters.

We made the choice to move to Europe and live overseas and wouldn't trade it for the world. It has been one of the choicest years of our lives thus far. We wouldn't trade it for the world. It has also been extremely challenging and difficult. I know that my children have suffered many a lonely night and that my wife has worked miracles to keep us feeling like a "normal" family over the past year. Work has been wonderful for me. But that has also meant long hours and a lot of time away from my wife and children, who needed me and who I needed.

Through it all I have attempted to remain positive and upbeat. Not to get down on "German" culture. I enjoy the culture and rich history and have focused on the positive. I did this for the children, and for our success here as a family.

But that doesn't help the loneliness one feels at times. It doesn't take away the pain of separation. It doesn't make it any easier to hug and kiss your parents goodbye as they leave, knowing you won't see them for another year. It doesn't help you watch your children thrive and prosper with grandma and grandpa visiting and worry whether they will make it after they have gone. It doesn't bring back the close association with siblings. It doesn't move the Atlantic ocean make it possible to drive to mid western United States.

What does this knowledge do for me. It leads me to believe that I need to strike a new balance between positive and human. That I have put super-human energy into remaining positive, and forgot that it is human to be frustrated, lonely, down on life, and still positive about the decision to move overseas to Germany. I need to let myself feel those feelings of loneliness and anxiety and express them to my darling spouse and family. And despite the difficulties remain positive and upbeat about our "new" lives here in Germany.

Naturally, I have no idea how to strike that balance yet, but . . . that's part of the adventure.